it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
