So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
