Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Dick very happy bro
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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