I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
