you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize