Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
