if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
