Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
