dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
