May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
