just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
