I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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