i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
handjob tips. give me some.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize