Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
