I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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