I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
