Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
