We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
