It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
