WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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