I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize