After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
