The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
