So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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