I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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