you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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