Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
