So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
