You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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