Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
