If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
