I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize