I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
