I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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