I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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