Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
