i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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