it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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