all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
