i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
