Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
