It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
