dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She's the barista slut.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I could fuck to npr.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
