My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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