break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Randomize
