I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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