Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
