Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
