dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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