We named our party play list daddy issues
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
