i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
