It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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