I love black thongs
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
