I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
