I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
