The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
