Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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