Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Randomize
