never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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