I'm jealous of your bromance
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think my moral compass just broke
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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