So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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