Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
