hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
