sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
