i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
