Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
